


Fuck if I Know, Man.

by SmallAnxietic



Category: Game Grumps, Good Game (TV 2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Denial, Depression, Drinking, Interesting Plot, Love Confessions, M/M, Weird Mental shit, thats the main couple, the main point of this is alex/arin, throwing up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-07
Updated: 2018-02-07
Packaged: 2019-03-15 04:49:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13605888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmallAnxietic/pseuds/SmallAnxietic
Summary: Alex Taylor is thrown into another universe where his name is Dan. He hasn't a clue about the world around him, nothing is familiar other than the man who is his work partner and supposed bandmate, Arin Hanson. Alex desperately tries to hold onto him without getting too close as he tries to get his bearings and find a way home without anyone knowing that the Dan they all know is no longer with them.





	1. New Year, New You. Literally.

Waking up in a new world that you were never supposed to be in is never easy. But Alex somehow took it in innocent stride.

  
Alex’s life was already weird and unstable enough, when he had woken up in a strange house and a bed that wasn’t his, he shrugged it off and left. He skipped down the sidewalk with only his phone in hand and some unfamiliar clothes on, ready to look up how to go home. Then he had gotten a call from Ryland, which was put down as “Arin” on his phone, but he recognized the face in the picture. He had briefly wondered where the picture had come from as he didn’t remember taking it, but he doesn’t remember a lot of things.

  
As he answers the phone, Alex makes a note to change the contact name back to Ryland once he was done talking. “Hey, bro,” Alex smiles, continuing to walk down the street. It looked oddly familiar in a way he couldn’t place, which is strange because he knows he’s never been here before. He brushes it off.

  
“Hey-o. I was just wondering if you wanted to come to brunch with me and Suzy. We’re going down to the waffle place.”

  
“Waffle place?” Alex asks. He’s never heard of Suzy before, but his mind quickly puts together that it must be a new friend of Ryland’s. Good for him! He can’t wait to meet her.

  
“Yeah, um, fuck I forgot what it’s called. Uhh, hey Suzy, what’s the waffle place called? Right, thanks. It’s More Than Waffles.” And then the two of them are agreeing to meet there and saying goodbyes. Alex does wonder how Ryland plans to pay for the waffles, but maybe it’s Suzy’s treat. They don’t exactly have all the money in the world to spare right now. So Alex looks up the place on google and begins to walk toward the Waffle House. It’s only a few miles.

  
—

  
Several things should have told Alex that things weren’t quite adding up, but the man is great at making excuses for things that don’t quite fit, so it all goes smoothly for him on his walk. It’s when he arrives at the waffle house that he finally registers that something is really, really wrong.

  
While it’s sad to say, Ryland is never that happy. He sees Ryland with a beautiful girl, both of them seated rather closely as Ry smiles and laughs along with who he assumes is Suzy. Not only that, but his hair is down, which Ryland rarely ever does since he’s self-conscious about people calling him girly. Alex never thought so, he thought Ryland was rather handsome and great just the way he was, that the long hair suited him.

  
Alex tries his best to brush it off. He walks up to the table, sliding into the booth seat across his friend. He beams at them naturally, though it feels a little off. “Hey, you two.”

  
“Hi, babe,” Ryland coos. It catches Alex off guard, but he tries to laugh it off. It works. “We’ve already ordered, but we saved a menu for you,” Ry gestures to the laminated menu in front of Alex, smiling with ease. “We got hot cocoa for all of us, hope that’s okay.”

  
“Hot cocoa is always okay, man.” Alex smiles. “How’re you two doing?”

  
“We’re all good. Mimi threw up a hairball this morning, so that was gross,” Suzy laughs easily. “But other than that Arin and I were just excited to have brunch. Brunch is fucking awesome.”

  
“Fuck yeah it is!” Ryland agrees with enthusiasm.

  
Something is definitely wrong here.

  
“So, Dan, I was thinking about starting up a new series for the lovelies. Lots of them have been requesting Final Fantasy which fuckin’ sucks because it’s too involved a game for us to get into, so I’m drawing a blank. Do you have anything you’ve been wanting to play?” Ryland asks, his hand naturally going around Suzy’s on the table. Yes, something is definitely wrong. Ryland thinks that he’s Dan, and Suzy thinks that Ryland is Arin. Or maybe it’s Alex that thinks that Arin is Ryland?

  
Alex tries his best to not get too freaked out. He… he should just roll with the flow, right? “Man, um…” Suddenly the older man is very aware that he doesn’t know many games. “Deadrising?”

  
“You mean Deadrising 2? I mean, I guess we could continue that. It’s actually a better idea, finishing a series before starting a new one. God, that fucking game though,” Ry- uh, Arin groans. Suzy laughs, patting him on the arm with her other hand, and that’s when Alex sees the rings. Are… are they married?

  
What the fuck is going on?

  
“If you don’t really want to, we can try something else?” Alex is trying his best to look normal but it’s continuously getting more difficult. Where is he? He knows that he’s in a waffle house, but where is he really? Is he dreaming, or is this real? As Arin replies to whatever Alex has said, he already forgot what it was, he looks around until his eyes set on the menu in front of him. You’re not supposed to be able to read things in dreams, right? Alex thinks he’s heard that somewhere once as he picks up the menu and reads it over, clear as day.

  
His body suddenly feels colder. Every weird thing from this morning starts to piece together. This… this wasn’t his home. Alex wasn’t supposed to be here, but he was, but why? Who is he, even? What did Suzy call him before? Dan?

  
A waiter comes to the table, snapping Alex out of his thoughts. Anxiety creeps up on him as the waiter asks what he wants. What does he want? Or, rather, what does Dan want? All Alex can think of is how much he needs a drink but does Dan even drink? Is Dan allergic to things? “U-uhm.” He does another once over at the menu. He looks for the most simple thing out of all the exotic kinds of waffles. “I- uhm, could I get just a regular waffle with some uh- strawberries? I don’t think I could be able to handle all your delicious menu items right now.” He tries his best not to let the fear of fucking up somehow take over his voice. The waiter nods, joking that they did have a rather heavy selection while taking away the menu in his hands. The man sets down three mugs of cocoa which Alex didn’t even see him holding before leaving the table to fill in the order. 

 

Oh god. Now he’s all alone with people he doesn’t even know. But- but he knows Ryland. Or, Arin. Maybe. Arin looks exactly fucking like Ryland which the older man doesn’t know if it should scare the shit out of him or reassure him.

  
That’s when it clicks in his head. Did Alex jump universes while drunk off his ass last night?

  
And if so… why was Arin here? Why was Ryland, or… whoever he was, why was this guy the constant? He didn’t recognize any of this. The restaurant, the girl, the house he woke up in… he didn’t know any of it, but he knew Arin. Why did everything leave except for him?

  
With never-ending questions and doubts popping up in his mind, Alex tried to get through the rest of brunch without breaking down or having the familiar strangers think something was wrong. Because something was wrong, but that’s Alex’s burden to bear. He shouldn’t be here, Dan should, and as Alex chats with Arin and Suzy, he swears silently to both of them that the Dan both of them love will come back to them.

  
…Somehow.

  
—

  
As soon as Alex arrives back at what Google Maps has said to be his home, which is the same house he walked out of this morning, he starts to research. He scouts around the house, trying to learn more about the man he is in this… world? Universe? Alex pulls out the notepad on his (or rather, Dan’s) phone and starts to jot down everything he can.

  
The first thing he notices is that Dan has no beer in his fridge. He makes a note that he most likely doesn’t drink. He has no pets, which is a relief. There are pictures framed around the house that Alex guesses are his family. There are also posters of what looks like fan art along with band covers. At least he and Dan can agree that Rush is a good band.

  
When Alex heads into the bathroom, it confirms what he already knew from the itch lingering on his face. Dan has the beginning of a beard, which makes Alex squirm. He’s never seen himself with facial hair before, he’s done his best to keep his face clean. Alex decides now isn’t the time to worry about that and he’ll shave later.

  
Alex tries not to freak out when he sees the Ninja Sex Party albums and merch around the house. If anything, he ignores it. Dan and Alex seem to have several things in common, but the things they seem to share the most in is music. They have the same taste, Alex figures out while browsing Dan’s Spotify on his phone; the both of them have also started Ninja Sex Party, the only difference is Dan was with a man named Brian Wecht and the band was successful. Alex himself has never heard of a Brian Wecht in his own universe. He wonders what would have happened to him if he had met Brian, but he doesn’t allow himself to wander farther than that.

  
The next few hours go on this way. Alex looking through Dan’s phone, his laptop, the internet and house to put together who Dan is. They are similar, but Dan is more stable and successful than Alex is. The most important thing Alex takes note in researching is Dan’s jobs. He can’t have Dan coming back to his universe with his life broken down, which Alex doesn’t doubt he can do in a second. Alex has never had success in his hands before, and now that he does, he doesn’t even have a clue on what he’s supposed to do and it’s not even his own success, it’s his doppelgängers (is that what they are? Alex doesn’t know). The rest of the night is spent watching the show Game Grumps and listening to Ninja Sex Party (as much as Alex really doesn’t want to).

  
Once he feels like he’s got pretty much the equivalent amount of information that a Tumblr Fangirl could get, Alex feels prepared. Going through texts, the man knows he has a Game Grumps session with Arin tomorrow. Apparently, they have good chemistry, but that was Dan and Arin. Now it’s Alex and Arin, and Alex knows nothing about Arin. He can only hope that he somehow doesn’t fuck this up.

  
—-

  
It’s his first day at Game Grumps. Well, Alex’s first day at least. He can’t say he’s not nervous. He’ll be expected to be in a place for eight hours with people who think they know him and are supposed to be his friends, he’ll be expected to record episodes with a man he doesn’t know and act like he’s known him for 6 years while cracking jokes in a Dan-like manner. Alex isn’t sure he can do it. He’s more confident he’ll screw everything up for himself and Dan more than he is that he won’t, but Alex goes anyway. He has a reputation to keep up with some guy that’s his alternate self, so Alex has to at least try. It might be fun, too. Who knows, at this point?

  
Alex is glad that Google Maps has instructions to the Game Grumps workplace, it would be suspicious if he had to ask for the address of a place he’s supposedly been working at for years now. Alex pulls into the parking lot the building provides, gets out of Dan’s car (he refuses to call anything that is Dan’s “his”) and walks somewhat-confidently into the grump space. While Alex expects everyone’s heads to turn and stare at him, the opposite happens. He’s greeted with various “hey”’s along with some waves, and then everyone turns their heads back into their work.

  
Huh. It’ll be easier than Alex had thought. Alright.

  
Alex greets them back softly, looking around the building. It’s fancy and looks expensive. Alex doesn’t know if he’s ever been allowed into a place with this much value inside besides the mansion party for ESports. It sends anxiety rumbling through Alex’s stomach. He doesn’t even know which room is the one he’s supposed to be in.

  
“Hey, Dan!” Someone calls from across the room. The voice is one that Alex recognizes, so it could only be one person.

  
“Arin?” Alex looks over to where Arin is. He’s poking his head out of a door.   
“I’m ready to go whenever you are.” Ah, that must be the recording room then. Hah! Nice. Alex didn’t have to ask. He skips over to Arin, giving him a big smile for all intents and purposes of being natural. Being Dan.

  
“Let’s do it to it!” Alex raises his voice up an octave, throwing his fist in the air.

  
“Ugh, I hate you,” Arin laughs, going back into the room and taking his spot on the couch. Alex follows him in, trying not to make his fascination of the room be too obvious. This might be his first time in here, but it’s not Dan. Alex has to keep that in mind if he doesn’t want anyone to suspect anything.

  
—-

  
The grump session went off without a hitch. Well, there were one or two bumps. Separating Dan’s and Alex’s personal experiences for jokes to entertain the audience was hard to level out, especially when talking about them with a man that’s probably heard everything interesting Dan has had to say already. Hitting him with something entirely new was hard for Alex to do while also staying low in profile. While the grump session was fun, and Alex did learn much more about Arin, by the time it was over he couldn’t be more relieved. The whole ordeal was more exhausting than he thought it would be.

  
Alex wanders around blindly until he finds the kitchen, the time on the clock reading 8:34PM. If Alex wants to do any more research before getting too tired, he should leave soon. He opens the fridge, looking inside and seeing the only thing really available is snacks and stuff for sandwiches. 

 

He frowns. He doesn’t usually mind eating just snacks for dinner, but after the meal with Arin and Suzy, he’s been having a craving for some good food that didn’t consist of peanut butter or crackers. While Alex wasn’t too fond of using Dan’s money, he supposes it was bound to happen one way or another. A quick trip to the grocery store to fill Dan’s fridge shouldn’t really hurt Dan anyway.

  
As Alex closes the fridge, he hears Arin laughing again. He turns his head toward the other man, seeing him sitting on a bean bag, holding his phone and snickering. It’s… it’s different, seeing someone with Ryland’s face look so happy. Someone with his voice laughing so much and is so casual. Ryland always seemed to have a bitter tone to whatever he said, but Arin wasn’t like that. It was confusing, really. Some part of Alex wants to believe that Arin and Ryland are somehow the same person, but… it doesn’t seem that way.

  
Alex sighs, checking the pockets in his leather jacket for his keys and phone. They’re both there, but where was his wallet? He honestly forgot if he even had it on him at all, and if it’s still at the house Alex is really not looking forward to driving around at night more than he has to.

  
“What’s up, Dan?” Arin asks from his spot. Alex almost doesn’t respond, forgetting himself for a moment before remembering it all. He’s Dan. Right.

  
“I don’t know if I brought my wallet with me or not, I wanted to go shopping.” He frowns. He’s not expecting Arin to get up and start looking with him. Ryland would never do that. “What are you doing?”

  
“Um. Helping you look for your wallet?” Arin continues to look under counters. Alex finds himself blushing and wow what the fuck. Why the hell was he blushing? Arin was just being nice.

  
“You really don’t have to, I’m sure I just left it at home.” Alex tries to reassure him. 

 

Arin stops looking, and Alex thinks that maybe he’s done what he told him too before Arin shrugs at him and says, “Well, I’ll go shopping with you. You can just pay me back tomorrow.”   
Alex, not for the first time today, is at a loss for words. Why was Arin so nice? Why was he acting like it was no big deal?

  
“I…” would it be weird of him to put down the offer? They were good friends, so maybe this was as normal as Arin was making it. What would Dan do? “..wouldn’t it be weird for us to do that with two cars? I can just do it in the morning, man.” Logic first, Alex decides.

  
“You make a point, Daniel. Then I’ll see you on Thursday for another session?” Arin asks, grabbing his coat from the bean bag he was in before. Alex follows him toward the entrance, double checking for Dan’s keys and taking them in his fist.

  
“That is the plan if you can handle not seeing me for that long.” He jokes, smiling at Arin as the younger man holds open the door to the entrance for him. As he passes by, a hard slap comes down on his ass, making him yelp. “Arin!”

  
“There’s never a moment where I don’t miss you and your sweet ass, Daniel,” Arin winks. If Alex wasn’t red before, he certainly was now. At least he had a reason for blushing this time. “Goodnight, baby, think of me while you JO tonight, ‘kay? I know I will!” The man coos while walking to his car, opening the front door. Alex just flips him off, making Arin laugh one more time before disappearing into the vehicle. The older man watches as Arin pulls out of the lot and drives off, feeling all sorts of weird things.

  
He shakes it off, not bothering to think about it as he gets into his own car, starting it up and driving back home. Alex stutters in his own head, hands gripping the wheel. Not home, he was going to Dan’s house. His home is with Ryland, not Arin. He belongs with the ESports team, not the Grump Crew.

  
He will never be Dan, and this will never be his home. Alex already knew all of this, he’d accepted it; so why does the thought of leaving make him so upset now? Alex draws it up to being tired.


	2. Mistakes Have Been Made

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex travels to the places of his past, only to get upset and find comfort in drinking. Brian finds him at the bar, and Alex doesn't know if what happens next is a good or bad thing.

The Northern Hues plays in Alex️’s earbuds as he drives. Dan had been a part of The Northern Hues as well as SkyHill, and while Alex had never heard of SkyHill before, he definitely remembered The Northern Hues. As the playlist goes on, Alex memorizes each song. That’s one thing he and Dan definitely had in common. Somehow, it’s comforting to listen to the old band, despite the bad memories that surround that part of his life. It reminds Alex of home.

Home. It’s only been a week now, but Alex misses it dearly. Things have changed since his arrival in this strange place, but changes that really only put Alex at ease. He’s shaved the beard off of his face, his cheeks soft and clean again. He throws all of Dan’s ripped jeans and leather jackets away into one part of the closet and takes out all of the colorful sweaters and t-shirts instead. Finding nice pants was tough, but there were two or three pairs that he found that fits his style. Alex knows it’s not the best idea to suddenly change Dan’s style and presentation, but he needs it in order not to lose himself. If he was stuck in some universe, he at least wanted to feel comfortable in his body and look like himself. Speaking of…

He’s so far made no progress figuring out how to go home or get any time to himself; Dan was a busy guy and had lots of jobs and responsibilities that Alex struggled to catch up with. But now it was Monday again, the day that he had woken up in this strange place, and Dan’s day was entirely free for Alex to do as he pleased. So he drives.

The man’s first stop was his and Ryland’s apartment. It was still there, but was unrecognizable to Alex. The house was an entirely different color and looked like it had been remodeled recently, which is certainly not the case for the apartment back home.

Alex’s next destination is the houses of his friends. All of the buildings are there, but the people walking in and out aren’t the same. It seems like nothing from Alex’s world really stayed, but why would it? Nothing seems to be that easy anymore.

The urge to get intoxicated in one form or another, either from drugs or alcohol, was slowly getting stronger. This is Dan’s body, Alex doesn’t want to taint it with his own sins. He doesn’t know his doppelgangers history with substances, all he knows is that Dan doesn’t need them now quite as much as Alex does.

No one would know except him. Alex could hide it, he knows he can. He’s totally on his own today to do what he wants after all. Just one drink wouldn’t hurt. He deserves it, after everything he’s been through. Waking up in a new dimension or some shit earns you at least three drinks, right? Having all your friends disappear is worth at least two more.

Turning the key in the ignition, Alex starts the car again. He knows where to go no matter what part of the city he’s in, there’s no use for his phone. He pockets the device before putting his foot on the pedal, moving forward. Left, right, left, left. His mind is numbing. Right, forward, wait, right, forward. He doesn’t feel like he’s really going forward. It takes a total of twenty minutes before Alex parks in a parking lot next to a bricked building. 

The older man’s head is still a fuzzy static as he gets out of the car, almost forgetting to lock it as he hurries for the building. Once he’s inside, he can finally feel whole again.

The bar is exactly the same as he left it, which makes Alex laugh pitifully. Maybe this is how it was supposed to be. Alex’s one true home, wherever he went, is always the bar. It’s where his life took a turn for the worse, and every time he comes back it proves true that this place is awful for him. But it’s the only place the man feels that he has left.

Alex feels luxurious now that he actually has the money to buy liquor that wasn’t cheap. It got him drunk faster, goes down his throat smoother. Maybe being Dan wasn’t so bad after all. Certainly makes this part of Alex’s life easier. He’s got money, a job in music, good friends… Dan had everything Alex has ever wanted. Maybe this new world was Alex’s blessing. God was finally giving him a god damn break from all the toxicity that surrounded him.

It was taken from him, and Alex comes running back. Back to the bar, to the alcohol, ready to drown himself in what was stolen from him and ruin someone else’s life that really was never his to begin with. This life could never belong to Alex. He doesn’t deserve it, he won’t ever deserve it. He doesn’t deserve the expensive whiskey, the crystal glasses or flirtatious looks from girls around the bar.

Alex orders another drink. The man is aware that hours have passed, that it’s dark now and happy hour has come and past. He doesn’t know how many drinks he has in, but it’s enough that Alex is swaying in his seat on the barstool. Maybe he should leave now? Ryland was going to worry if he didn’t come home soon. Ryland never says it, but Alex knows that Ry stays up, worrying about him. He doesn’t know why, Alex has ruined any future possible for Ryland. He’s done that for everyone he’s come across. Even Dan. But the alcohol is too deep in Alex’s system for him to feel guilty about that right now.

The bartender asks him if he has a ride home. Alex lies, says that he does before stumbling out of the bar and over to his (his?) car. His fingers fumble around in his pockets, struggling to pick up the keys. Once he has a grip, he drops the keys down on the concrete. “Shit,” he curses, leaning on the car to pick up the damned things.

“Dan?” He hears. The name isn’t his, but he turns around to the voice anyway. Dan. He remembers his parents once told him that they debated on calling him Dan before he was born. He likes the name. Sounds a lot better than Alex.

The man in front of him is one he recognizes vaguely. Not enough to actually put the pieces together, all he knows is the man has fuzzy grey eyebrows and blue eyes. Blue eyes, piercing Alex, making him cold and frozen. “Wassup,” he slurs. His voice sounds so funny, it makes Alex giggle, despite the fear he has of the other man in front of him.

Go away, he thinks. Before I ruin your life too.

“Jesus, Dan, are you drunk?” The older man comes closer. Alex sees that he’s quite taller than the other guy as he stands back up, leaning against the car. He shrugs.

“Mmmm, yea’ an’ no. Could- Could be drunk. Maybe. Yes. Yes, I am drunk, bu- but you… You’re mistaken. I’m… not Dan. Why does everyone keep calling me that?” Alex can feel the emotional side up him start to pour out of himself. Alex frowns, putting his arms around himself. “Dan… Dan’s a good guy. ‘m not.”

“God, I forgot you ramble when you drunk. Dan, you fucking reek. How much did you have? You know alcohol isn’t good for your stomach.”

“Muh… my stomach? Oh baby jesuhs, my stomach.” He’s going to vomit, he’s going to vomit, oh fuck he’s going to vomit.

“Give me your keys, Dan, I’m driving you-” Dan’s going to vomit. Alex is going to vomit? He’s going to vomit.

“‘m gunna vom, fuck,” Alex groans, sinking back down to the ground and on his knees. His whole body shivers as he retches onto the concrete, straight up blowing chunks. The taller man groans, feeling tears flowing down his cheeks. Christ, he feels like shit. The smell of acid from the vomit makes Alex retch again, gagging uselessly. He’s got nothing left in him.

Nothing at all. 

The world around him swirls and he can see black pillars closing in on him. Alex cries, the pillars crashing down on his back, making his bones crack under his skin as he smashes down onto the concrete. His world is surrounded by black, and he swears he can see a white tunnel ahead. There’s a man, or at least the shape of one standing there in the light. He wants to reach out, scream for him, plead, but there’s no time before his mind shuts off completely, making Alex go limp.

——-

Arin isn’t expecting a call this late, but then again, he wasn’t expecting to stay up this late. Overwatch, you devil, you’ve caught Arin with your pretty girls and cool guns yet again. Arin takes his time to answer the call, leaning back in the desk chair and giving his shoulders a nice stretch, making his back pop. Christ, he needs to work on his posture some more. Gaming for a living took a toll on that.

Arin takes his phone in his hands, seeing it’s Brian who’s calling. Wasn’t Brian on date night with Rachel? They rarely got out of the house for dates because of Audrey, and Brian made it very clear he didn’t want to be disturbed from time with his wife, which Arin certainly understood. So if Brian was calling… it must be serious, right? He presses the green button on the screen, lifting the phone up to his ear. “Brian?”

“God, hi. Took you long enough to answer my call.” Brian replied, his voice gruff and a little pissed. What’s got him so on edge?

“Chill, at least I answered. You know what time it is.”

“Yeah, that’s a part of the problem.”

“Well, what’s the problem?”

“It’s… god, it’s Dan.” Arin sits up a little straighter, his eyebrows furrowing. “Rachel and I were going on date night, as you know. We went over to this bar, and we found Dan drunk off his ass trying to get into his car.”

“Holy shit, did you stop him?” Arin stands, his worry making his chest tight, heart plummeting. Was Dan ok? Was there an accident?

“Of course. He rambled a bunch of batshit nonsense before vomiting and passing the fuck out. He’s at our house now, but Dan’s car is still at the bar. Rachel and I are going to go back and try to actually enjoy our night out before driving both cars back to our place, but for the time being, I’d appreciate it if you came over to keep an eye on him.” Brian explains, the anger slowly melting as he talks and forming into a soft worry. The younger man runs a hand through his hair, pushing it out of his face as he sighs.

“Fuck man, of course I will. I’ll be there right away, and I’ll stay the night. You guys just enjoy yourselves. But…” The question lingers in the air. “Why was Dan drunk at all? I know he’ll have an occasional beer every once in awhile, but only one. He’s never gotten drunk the entire time I’ve known him.”

“It’s been years. I have no idea what put Dan off so much that he put his health at risk since he’s very aware that alcohol is shit for his stomach. Whatever it is that he’s stressed about, it’s gotta be big. Try and milk something out of him while we’re gone.”

“Oh, I’ll milk something out of him alright. No promises on what it’ll be,” Arin tries to joke. It’s awkward in the tense situation they’re both in, but Brian bites at the bullet and gives him a chuckle.

“I’ll hold you to that. Thanks, Arin. We’ll see you in a bit.”

“Yeah, see you.”

The call ends, Arin’s phone turns off. He’s quick to get on his feet, getting a jacket and shoes before getting a notepad. He’ll text Suzy in the morning, but a note will do if his wife wakes up in the middle of the night. The note is left on the kitchen counter, briefly explaining the situation and a small apology along with an ILY. It’s barely satisfactory, but it’ll have to do. With that done, Arin shrugs on his coat, grabs his keys and heads for the door, the stress and worry still thrumming inside of him.

——-

When Arin arrives at Brian’s house, they talk briefly before the couple leaves in the living room doorway while Rachel leaves to start up the car. Arin can see his friend passed out drunk on the couch from where he stands with Brian, just from here Dan already looks bad enough. He can’t imagine what he looks like up close.

“I know,” Brain murmurs, quietly. The younger man can see already how tense Brian is, the worry creasing on his forehead. “Thank you for coming over. I know that it’s… a lot to see Dan like this. It’s your first time seeing him so out of it, too…”

“Well, it’s the least I could do. It’s different, sure, but it’s still Dan, right?” Brian shrugs, his eyes drifting to the floor. There’s a beat of silence.

“While we’re gone, I’ve got a list written out for you on what I need you to do. Lot’s of them are obvious but better safe than sorry.”

“Yeah,” Arin takes the small piece of notebook paper out of Brian’s hands. “Definitely.”

There’s another moment of silence before the older man pats Arin on the shoulder, bringing the two into a small hug. “Make sure he’s okay,” Brian whispers, and then heads out of the door, shutting it behind him and leaving Arin alone in the doorway. His heart feels twisted still, and not knowing much else to do he reads the instructions Brian had written for him.

-Keep quiet, Audrey is still sleeping.

-Keep the bucket next to Dan in case he throws up.

-Keep Dan laying on his side so if he does barf he doesn’t fucking die in his own vomit

-If he voms on the carpet please do me a favor and kill him for me ok thnx <3

-When he wakes up give him water, Advil, and his prescribed medication. It’s all on the coffee table.

Brian also mentioned to kick him in the balls for worrying them all, but Arin thinks the hangover will be enough of a kick for Brian to be satisfied.

Alex, or in Arin’s eyes, Dan lies on the living room couch, his twig legs spread in awkward directions so that he fits while lying on his side. There’s a blanket on top of the couch that isn’t being used, Arin guesses it’s from Dan’s sweating. His skin is clammy and green, hair matted on top of his forehead. Just looking at him from where Arin is from the doorway has him in some form of shock. He’s seen Dan with the flu, which was awful, but this is somehow worse in a way Arin can’t describe.

Once the younger man makes his way over to the couch, he tries to make himself comfortable, lifting his friend’s legs up as he sits down, placing Alex’s legs gently on his lap. Softly, he rubs the fabric of the older man’s jeans between his fingers, watching Alex breathe heavier than normal and squirm from under him.

It’s an hour later as Arin starts to slowly drift off when Alex twitches awake. The younger man watches Alex carefully. A quiet mutter of “where am I?” as he groans, slowly starting to sit up while looking around the living room.

“Best be careful; if you move too much you might vom again.”

Alex jumps visibly, turning toward Arin with wide eyes. The panic melts as he recognizes the younger man next to him, smiling softly with glazed eyes. It makes Arin’s heart drum in his chest. God, how cute can he get? Isn’t Arin supposed to be mad at him? “So a little bird told me you got drunk and passed out in your own puke. Good job on that.”

“Who told you?” Alex sits up more, leaning on the armrest. His legs stay on the other man’s lap.

“Brian. He found you at the bar. I was told to give you Advil along with your medication.” As Arin talks, he leans forward, grabbing the cup of water and pills on the coffee table, moving to hand them to Alex.

“Medication?” Somewhere in Alex, even with the tipsy feeling he has left in him, knows that he shouldn’t ask that question but it just slips out of him. He’s never taken medication before, so why would he in this universe? Well, he has taken medication, but that was such a long time ago under very different circumstances.

“The meds for your stomach since you fucked it up with your drinking. You know that alcohol fucks you up, man.” Alex slowly grabs the glass and pills, putting them in his mouth as an excuse not to respond. Is that why his stomach hurt so badly? Well, wasn’t that an interesting turn of events. Alex is addicted to the substance that Dan literally cannot have it without getting a reaction. If the Universe wasn’t telling him something before, it sure is now. “So, you gotta spill to me, man. What’s putting you down so much that you go to drinking?”

What does he say? Alex can’t say ‘well, I woke up in an alternate universe where all of my friends are gone and everything I’ve accomplished doesn’t mean shit’. As much as he may want to. “I…”

“Is it work?” Arin interrupts. “If grumping is too much for you to handle right now, I can give you a break for as long as you need. The last thing I want is to be one of the reasons you start drinking again.”

“Why on earth would you do that?” Alex asks, perplexed as he stares at Arin. He finds himself frowning. Was he doing something wrong? Alex was trying so hard to do the show right, was he fucking it up without realizing? “Am I not good enough?” The question comes out meek and soft, making Alex more vulnerable than he meant to. Arin quickly shuffles closer to the other man, wrapping an arm around his friend’s shoulders.

“No, of course not. You’re more than good enough, Dan, you know that. I’m offering because I care about you. You’re my friend. If there’s anything that I can do for you, I want to do it.”  
Alex finds his words caught in his throat as his heart drums. How could Arin be so selfless? Especially to someone like him, who clearly didn’t deserve it? Though, according to Arin, he was offering all of this kindness over to Dan. Should he take the offer, for Dan? But… Dan didn’t have Alex’s problems. The reason why Arin is even offering is that Dan was in a bad place, and the whole reason Dan is in a bad place is because Alex made him be. God, this was too confusing for him right now. Wasn’t this weird confusion between right and wrong with Alex and his doppelganger one of the reasons he started to drink in the first place? 

“Could we have a day out, just you and me?” The older man finds himself asking, the words just slipping out of him. “No work, no… this. Just a day out, to clear the head and not feel the stress of everything?”

It surprises him when Arin doesn’t even hesitate to grab the hand he has on his lap, Arin and Alex’s fingers folding together. “Of course. Why don’t you rest some more and tomorrow I’ll be here and we can go out?” Slowly Arin moves Alex to lie down, putting a pillow underneath his head of curls before grabbing the blanket lying on the couch and draping it over him. Meekly Alex agrees under his breath, but it’s not like he had a choice as Arin moved around the room to switch off the lights.

“Where will you sleep?” Alex tries. It didn’t seem like there was a guest room if he was on the couch…

“Don’t worry about that.” Shaking his head, Arin sits down on the chair next to Alex near his head. The older man frowns, taking his hand out of the blanket to tug at Arin’s hand.

“Sleep with me.”

“I’m fine, Dan,” Arin differs.

“You said you’d do anything, right?” Alex shakes under his blanket. What was he doing? “Sleep with me,” he pleads, voice quiet. He hopes Arin doesn’t hear his stutter. “Please.”

They both don’t say anything as the younger man moves to sit up, scooting Alex to the back of the couch so he can snuggle close to him. An arm wraps around Alex’s waist and legs become entwined together. There’s a bit more shuffling until the both of them are face to face, lying together comfortably. Alex’s heart beats loudly and he prays that Arin can’t hear it or feel it. He’s never been this close to Ryland before… If he was to cuddle with Ryland, would it feel the same as this?

What does this even feel like? Is Alex really okay with this? Was he allowed to say that it might feel good? Maybe he was still tipsy, but he swears Arin’s fingers barely dipping into his shirt and resting on his skin have hot sparks on the ends that sends a tingle down the older man’s spine. The breath on his neck makes him flush and the warmth of Arin’s body has Alex’s heart thrumming. God, it was all so confusing, all so new and fresh. He’d never had someone who cared this much before, had someone want to be this close to him. 

Alex knows that he doesn’t deserve this, but… just for tonight, he lets his head and heart rest as he snuggles a little closer to Arin.


	3. Red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Arin spend a day together and Alex tries his hardest to explain to both himself and Arin what exactly is going on. It doesn't really work.

The next morning is overwhelming for Alex. When he wakes up alone on the couch, he panics. And then all the sudden there’s the man from before that’s his supposed bandmate, Brian, along with another woman and child he’s never seen before right in front of him. The questions come one after another all at once, questions Alex doesn’t know how to answer. He didn’t understand anything else either, couldn’t they see that?

  
The panic flushed away quickly once Arin came into the room, the tense energy of the room calming significantly for Alex as he naturally rushes towards the man. He wasn’t the same, but he was familiar, and that’s all the older man needed. Being close to Arin made his head swarm uncomfortably and he swears he can see red, but he closes his eyes as hard as he can, trying to focus on Arin and only Arin. It works.

  
The animator naturally took care of the situation with Brian and the other two once Alex had calmed himself down, the redness in his eyes fading away. He left Alex waiting in Arin’s car as he talked to them, muffling the conversation so he didn’t have to hear it, which was nice. He didn’t have to hear the judgments, the worry, the anger over how he had behaved. Alex knows he fucked up, bigtime, but the last thing he needs is the peer pressure. Somehow Arin understood that.

  
Once Arin entered the car is when Alex allowed his brain to finally turn on. He focused, he focused hard on the present moment with him and Arin. “So, what do you want to do, Dan?” Arin squints his eyes unsurely. “That isn’t drinking, hopefully.”

  
“No, definitely not,” Alex assures him. Ryland had seen Alex drunk, but Arin had never. Arin had never even seen Dan drunk. He won’t put that burden on Arin more than he already has. “Well, I was thinking we could just drive around the city. Go to a nice neighborhood and walk around, find something to eat.” Alex laughs, his shoulders tense. “Is that too gay?”

  
“Not gay enough, my friend.” The other man grins brightly, beginning to start the car up. Alex loves that look on Arin, he finds himself thinking. Arin deserves to be as happy as he looks.

  
“I’ll try to find a way to get it even gayer. Hold my hand?” It’s a joking offer as he holds his hand out, palm up and waiting. It’s just for giggles, but once Arin’s hand links with his Alex doesn’t want to let go. His hand is warm, just like the rest of him. Just like the red that radiates off of him so naturally. “Nice.”

  
Their hands rest between the seats next to the handbrake, and Arin doesn’t let go for the rest of the drive. Alex feels like his hand is on fire.   
——–   
Arin parks in a school parking lot that was empty because of the weekend, because hey, free parking. The two men walked around aimlessly, looking at the houses around and admiring them while talking casually. Alex thought that this could have been an awful idea, but it really isn’t. He’s more relaxed and happy than he’s been the entire time he’s been here. He doesn’t even panic when Arin is surprised about some things that Alex shares about himself. Around everyone else, Alex was tense and scared. But with Arin, things just felt… easier.

  
They had found a shopping center in the middle of the neighborhood, thankfully. Alex insisted on going to the Starbucks. “I like their holiday cookies!” He had said.

  
So there they were, sitting at a small table with high stools together, eating pastries and drinking coffee. It felt… kinda like a date. Why did that make Alex happy?

  
Once the conversation had come to an end there was a comfortable silence between the two men for a while. Alex was nearly done with his cookie when Arin had cut that silence. “So, I think you know exactly what I want to talk about next. About yesterday.”

  
“I’ve got an idea,” Alex murmurs, keeping his eyes down.

  
“I know that you said it wasn’t work, but if it’s not that, what is it? I… I have no idea what would bug you so much that you’d try to find comfort in drinking after being sober for so long,” That caught Alex’s interest. Did Dan have a sobriety problem like Alex has in the past? “Whatever it is, I really want to be there for you. I don’t want you to fall down a hole that you could easily walk around.”

  
“You are quite the friend, Arin.” Alex tries to smile, but it’s sad on the ends. His hands shake slightly as he speaks. “I don’t know how to put it into words, but, um… I’ve just been feeling really strange lately. Something’s changed.” That’s the best thing he can come up with that’s a sane way to explain the insanity of his situation. “I’m looking at everyone differently, you know? Not in a bad way, it’s just… It feels like new territory.”

  
Arin looks perplexed for a second as Alex talks and he’s worried that maybe he was being too obvious before the look melts into sympathy. Arin takes Alex’s hands into his, resting them on the middle of the table and rubbing the other man’s palms with his thumbs. “Dan, are you trying to tell me that you’re gay?”

  
It honestly shocks Alex enough that his jaw opens. Oh, God. What does he do with this? Alex has never been against seeing guys, and maybe Dan wasn’t either but Alex didn’t want to out him. And that’s not even what it was about at all! “I- fuck man, no.” Arin’s face sinks and Alex panics. “I mean, I- personally I’m not against dating a dude-” Oh my god stop talking you can’t just say that. “But that’s not the problem.”

  
“Then what is it?”

  
“Everything,” The man cries out. “Everything is changing and is different and I don’t know what to do, Arin.”

  
“Oh,” Arin sighs. His hands are still in Alex’s, rubbing comfortably against the skin with his thumbs. “So it is about work.”

  
“No, I swear-”

  
“It is, Dan. We’re not overworking you, we’re changing. I know that your music has taken a turn and that’s been stressing you out, and Game Grumps is changing a lot too. We’re getting ridiculously busy with the new touring company and- I get it, Dan. Change fucking sucks.” Alex stays silent. “But it’s not an excuse to get drunk. If- If you’re freaking out, I want you to talk to someone, anyone.”

  
“Even you?” Alex looks up at Arin, and he sees it all. He sees Ryland and Arin side by side, faces and souls interconnected. He sees Ryland fading away while Arin stays, while Arin holds his hand. Their souls are the same bright red color but Ryland’s red is slowly melting right in front of Alex’s eyes. Alex doesn’t know what it means, but it’s frightening and he tightens his hold on the other man’s hand. He doesn’t even know who he’s looking at anymore.

  
“Especially me.”

  
—

  
For the rest of the week, Alex is in a swirl of confusion and avoidance as he sticks to Arin like glue. He follows the man anywhere, either physically or with his eyes. When they aren’t together it hurts because it’s when Arin is gone that Alex no longer has a distraction. Alex knows that he’s starting to use the other man just like he used the alcohol and drugs. He uses him to forget everything, put it all aside for a later time. It’s not fair to Arin, but nothing about Alex’s situation is fair.

  
Alex watches Arin, for a long time. He takes in everything he can get. It’s fascinatingly strange how everything Arin does seem to contrast the Ryland that Alex knows. While Arin walks comfortably and confidently, Ryland walks slow and tense. While Arin smiles and laughs so naturally, Ryland keeps his frown stitched finely onto his face, refusing to let any laughter come out. While Arin is just… so carefree, handsome and alive, Ryland is just… the opposite.

  
The red colors he could see before in Ryland are fading fast and Arin is just getting brighter and stronger. Alex had thought Ryland was perfect the way he was, that he couldn’t possibly admire Ryland anymore, but now he’s here with Arin and just looking at him had the older man’s heart racing. They were the same person, but so different, and God… Alex could feel himself growing more attached to Arin than he should be. 

 

He’s addicted to the feel of him, the warmth and color that Arin provides, and it sends shame up the man’s back. Because he should be with Ryland, he didn’t belong here and he belonged with Ryland and his dusty shades. Because Arin was married, and in his eyes, Alex was just his best friend Dan. But he wasn’t. He was so much more, he wanted so much more. He was Alex, and he… he was falling for Arin. Hard.


End file.
